Hard to Understand

I've been thinking a lot about connections lately. I think that whenever we make a friend, they stay there in our hearts, even if we lose touch.

For example, I had a memory the other day of a girl who had been one of my best friends from grades two through five. I can't remember exactly what she looked like, but I remember times that we shared and just how happy they all were. If I saw her today, perhaps I would recognize her. If I did I would have no idea what I would say. But I know if she asked me to do anything for her, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I sometimes I picture we all have these sorta cords of love attaching us to other people. They're so important because relationships make the whole world work. So I guess when it comes down to it, we should make friends with as many people as we can.

What the heck am I talking about? I apologize for the lack of sense I'm making.

I guess, for me it's: once a friend, always a friend. Because even when I'm let down or hurt by a friend, I have this love for him or her that keeps me holding on to that friendship.

Call it a weakness.

-Brianna

The Cowardly Lion

(If you need to see the original, click here)


Sometimes XKCD is scary.
Sometimes it's because:

1. The Black Hat Guy is maiming/murdering someone.
2. There's a very very disturbing sexual reference I wish I didn't understand.
3. The topic is presented in a way that I resonate very well with.
   

The above comic strip is such example of #3. I don't know what it is about me and the way I show (or don't, technically) my affection for someone, but there is certainly a lot of self doubt and confidence-issue stuff that gets in the way. I mean, is slowly building a friendship under the pretenses that I just want to be a friend and don't actually harbor any feelings of intense infatuation really healthy? Ultimately, they friendships always boil down to a midnight-or-later conversation, traditionally commenced by the opposing party's acquisition of a riddle of some of sort that spells out my true feelings for her. In what will be a gut wrenching few hours, deceit will twist the ruse into the most complicated knot possible, break quite a few rules of logic along the way. I can't stand that time- when I've committed myself to telling her that I like her, but I can't stand for her to find out- it's very taxing. It's not healthy and, frankly, it does no one any favors.

So, no more.

I guess I've changed- obvious enough, in some ways (geez, I'm 6'2" now and my hair color isn't what it used to be)- but less obviously in what I'm doing for seeking out companionship more than my circle (though at this point you guys have more honestly arranged yourselves into a multi-planar object, refusing the existence of certain others) of friends. Gone are the days where I stalk my prey (please excuse the obligatory creepy predator-prey metaphor) though a drawn out and methodical process. What, then, is my new method? Funny you should ask; I haven't a clue yet. See, enveloping your innermost self tends to have a cold effect on potential dates. I made a sort of pact with myself this summer that I wouldn't entangle myself in some complicated relationship where I lose focus of school and my grades suffer. What's the best way to avoid that mess? Well, abstaining from it altogether seems to be pretty effective. I mean, I'm not saying I can't make exceptions, but I'm just saying that it has to be pretty extraordinary.

Sure, I'm nice enough (and apparently humble too) and you may be a little put off by the fact that you just learned that I've been holding out on you all- not giving you all my all. I'm sorry, I truly am, if you are offended. I don't really know what I'm doing in this life, but I do know from observing relationships that surround me, parents, friends, celebrities (just kidding!), and others, that giving your soul to someone that ehh, might not be the person you want to spend a lifetime with, can end pretty disastrously. I can't know if I've missed my opportunity, and I will live with a lot of regret, 'tis only human to. I can take solace in knowing, however, that no one can tell me that I'm doing it all wrong, because, frankly, no one knows. It's one of those questions that no one knows the true answer to, like, "what's the meaning of life?" I still live for myself, unguided by a kindred spirit with which to exchange innermost thoughts and secrets, and I think I'm still doing pretty well. I don't need to reach a quota of girlfriends to be happy with my month/year/high school career. I am content with taking it one day at a time, blissfully ignorant that I'm missing out on what could be the greatest joy that I've ever known, or the most heart-breaking dolor that I've ever wished not to know. It works for me.

Perhaps this sideways glance into the innerworkings of my heart and mind will give you readers, an assortment of friends, acquaintances, family, and even foes, a better understanding of your residential black powerblogger. I should hope so.

- Jonathan

Are we still tagging things?

A few years ago I had a discussion with my mother. I told her I didn't remember when I became so sarcastic. Her response surprised me. She told me my humor had always been quite dry and she would often get comments about it from my teachers.

So let me apologize if I come off as rude. Sometimes I do intentionally, but most of the time I'm really being sincere in what I'm saying. Just ignore the sarcasm in my voice. I mean, when I say 'excuse me' I really didn't hear what you said.

Not that I'm not rude. I have a tendency to mock. I know for a fact that I have not always been as mean as I am now. I think it started in middle school. I mean everyone hated everyone including themselves back in those days. I really am trying to work on that. I'm trying to be less mean, and of course if you ever hear me being mean just let me know...I'll remedy the situation. Unless I've had a cruddy day...everyone deserves to be mean on especially bad days.

Funny thing is, although I often talk about how much I hate people and how stupid they are, I actually care greatly for most people. My friends and family in particular. So, guys, even if I say something cruel or I offend, just know that deep down I care. Don't think for a second that I don't think about my friends often. Don't think for a second I constantly worry about them. Don't think for a second I wouldn't do anything for them.

I'm sorry that I can't be a better friend. I have a keen sense of the emotions of those around me. I have since I was a little kid. Thing is, I'm terrible at expressing my feelings and can never think of the right words of comfort. But I'm always there if someone needs me...even if I'm the worst comforter ever.

So I think you all are awesome.

Wow this seemed cheesy...I need something else...

So the other day in Physics, Mr. Carpenter asked if any of us knew what a muleon (I'm not sure how it's spelled but that is how it sounds) was. I said, 'I think it's a mix between a horseon and a donkeyon.' Carpenter was the only one that thought it was funny. I still think it was incredibly clever.

Monday out.

-Brianna

PS Thanks everyone for making my birthday awesome!

Memories (part two)

"I have no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends." -Walt Whitman

In the ninth grade I was in Independent Studies. Basically we were in Algebra II honors but separated by the office. I remember David (he was in there with William and me) talking about some new girl, Kejing. I didn't think much of it. A lot of my friends became friends with her, and she and I became acquainted but I wouldn't really call it a friendship. Then sophomore year a group of us decided that we all needed official "bffs". I'm not sure how Kejing got involved...I think she may have just been passing by but she became my "bff". For a couple of weeks we greeted each other "BFF!" Soon we began talking and became very good friends. Quite funny how that turned out, huh?

June already mentioned our meeting. I don't remember it that well. We didn't really become friends until eight grade. We sat near each other in Geometry. Jack, William, and Ally sat near us also...and we were always joking around and whatnot. One time we got onto a discussion of lip gloss versus lipstick. I just remember June and Jack claiming that lipstick was just like a crayon. That became our long-running joke. June would create a lipstick factory in which he would make his products out of Crayola crayons. He was supposed to make millions and we each demanded a cut...except for Jack...I believe he asked for all the profits. Ah...good times.

As I've said before, I met Caroline the same time I met Lacey. I don't really have that many memories of Caroline from middle school. I definitely remember in the ninth grade when she invited us to listen to her sing in Mrs. Heid's 'talent show'. Wow. I knew she sang, but I didn't know she could sing like that. It was quite phenomenal. Then only over the past couple of years I've really gotten to see the sense of self and great spirituality of Caroline which I respect and love. She is quite a good friend...and I much appreciate her company.

Oh and is anyone else disappointed Heroes isn't coming on tonight?

-Brianna

Decode

Hello World! Blue powerblogger here! So this week, I already had my entire blog written out about pastafarians and the right to peacefully assemble, but I feel like that issue is unimportant compared to what I am really feeling. 

How did we get here?

I used to know you so well

This is part of the chorus to the new Paramore song, "Decode", which is on the Twilight soundtrack. This line really speaks to me in so many ways, evoking a wave of emotions inside me that are close to boiling over. It feels like I've become distant from a lot of people this year, some for the better, some for the worst. There are people who I hung out with just last year that now, if I see them in the hall between classes, don't even acknowledge my prescence. It hurts when the people who you thought were your friends completely ignore you. I'm screaming out, at the top of my lungs, "What have I done wrong?". Thats the worst, when you don't even know a reason for them to be angry. 

There are other people I have separated myself from for the sake of my sanity. The people who can do nothing but criticize. The people who look down on me for my religious views, my moral values, my way of life. The people who hurt me by insulting others and setting bad examples. I'm better off without them.

I know I've changed, but I've done nothing to betray you. I may hang out with some different people, but they aren't any more important than you. So don't ostracize me, don't ignore me, when I know not what I've done wrong. And don't pretend its all my fault. I have this equation, which I'm sure I've written about before, and it goes a little something like this:

me=90% other=10%

I feel like I constantly put 90% into relationships, and the other person only gives 10. Where's the balance in that? If you're not gonna contribute, then is it really worth my time? Why must I do all the work in order to make things right? Maybe if you're only gonna give ten percent, then I just shouldn't care about the situation. Its too much wasted effort on my behalf to save us, so maybe we're better off apart.

And there's still one person in particular that, whenever I think about what we once were, I almost cry. Its because I don't know why things changed. I don't know if I messed up, or if its something you did. And its not even a boyfriend/girlfriend-type relationship! Thats about as bad as it gets.

Sorry about writing such a depressing post. Its ironic, because in reality, my life is going amazingly well at the moment. This was just an "in the moment" kind of thing, an explosion provoked by something as simple as a lyric. But the song really is awesome, give it a listen.

-Caroline

This, I Promise You

When presented with the theme of "superpowers" this week I began to think. What are my strengths? My initial intentions were to write about some sort of cooking/biology/french superpowers but the more I thought about it, the more disappointed I became. I can do better than that! I thought to myself. There has to be something that I'm good at that could be of use as a strong positive influence on the citizens of some hopelessly crime rampant city no one has heard of! And suddenly, I remembered a promise I made to a friend this week. I made the promise to this friend, under duress at the time, that though I may be not that good at listening and offering advice on heavy heavy issues (I won't delve into why at this point, that's for another time, maybe), I will always push everything else aside and put a smile on your face if you ask for one.

I don't want to come off as conceited, especially when we're speaking of superpowers, but I feel it must be necessary to break a little off from my humble stance on this in order to tell you about a little knack I have. I make people smile. Granted, if you're in a decent mood or just a little pissed off, I probably can't help you- particularly because you don't need help. Get better yourself! =P

No, I help friends in need. Usually, someone will be severely depressed or down and ask me to talk to them or cheer them up. This is when my electrons begin to shift valence shells and my brain waves peak out- it's a challenge! I think to myself. So what I do next is assess the situation, find some sort of humor in it, and exploit the hell out of it. I will make you laugh, dangit! And if it's not a laugh, then at least an inward chuckle accompanied with a small grin. Heck, you might even think "Oh, he's good. He's good!", but I guess that's up to you to determine.


I like helping people, it's a legitimately good feeling you get. I never want to see one of my friends hurting, so I always try to bring some light to the situation. If I were a superhero, my power would be giving people hope in a time when they are down, providing them with a glimpse of their old (happier) self, and take the first step to getting over their lost cat, broken relationship, or poor grade.

So, this, my friends, I promise you. Come Hell or highwater, if you need help- ask for it. I can try my best at giving you advice, but I think that the most comforting thing you'll find is the one thing I can really give you: a hug and a smile. I love my friends.

ily <3

- Jonathan

What Are Friends For? All Sorts Of Useful Things!

What are friends for?

What a ridiculous question. Each year, I find that surviving high school is only possible with a healthy number of friends. The most interesting thing about friends is how useful they are. You can practically rely on one at any time of any day.

CASE: Two days ago, Rebecca Atkins and I decided to throw our mutual friend, Brianna Rhodes, a surprise party since we wouldn't have an opportunity to celebrate her birthday outside of school. Well, with no budget and time on the short side, I turned to FaceBook. From the number of people who said they would attend our impromptu party, I didn't suspect that this party was going to be very big; the number of people who said they could bring food was even less encouraging. But come today at lunch, I was shocked. A mass no fewer than 20 people had congregated to surprise Brianna Rhodes with heartfelt wishes of happiness. Half of them brought food and presents. I was touched. I could count on my friends to meet my expectations, but they exceeded them.

Who cheers you up when you're down about a class/test/quiz/assignment grade? Certainly not my parents, who demand to know why I did so badly before offering any sympathy! No, it is your friends who will poke fun at that teacher, show you their own bad grade, or offer a humorous anecdote until you crack a smile.

What your current boyfriend/girlfriend probably doesn't know is that a LOT of reconnaissance was done on they before you made your move. Chances are that your closer friends knew of your crush and carried out missions to find out plenty of information about them for you. Who else would do that for you?!

Where cheating is concerned, I've never copied any one's homework in my life (verbal irony!). I know of friends of friends who would help each other by providing help in a squeeze. However unethical it may seem, it is touching that one would help another in a time of need- whether it be that mad morning rush to finish that Spanish worksheet or speeding through 87 vocabulary study cards. Without these patron saints of good, how could one hope to survive when they fall behind?

When in need, you can generally count on atleast one friend for a ride to or from somewhere- I know I've had to! They are generous, loving people in your life that care for your well being and help you to what you need or want. They might as well be your parents!


Friends, as hard as they are to come by sometimes, are the pillars that hold me up. Without my friends, PowerBloggers or others, I don't know what I'd do.

- Jonathan

A View Of Facebook

I was recently discussing with my mother the conveniences of our generation. I expressed to her how I couldn't imagine living in a world where I couldn't just get on the Internet and find information on almost anything. She told me she could, and in fact had. She lived in an age where they had to go to the library...and look in encyclopedias for information. To me that sounds ridiculous, but I think growing up in the age of computers, we often forget how lucky we are.

I think one of the greatest Internet commodities we have is Facebook. As addicting as it is, it is a great source to stay in touch with friends. I think it's the easiest way to spread information to all your friends through events, groups, notes, and statuses. I'm a full supporter of the Facebook epidemic. But then again, I feel as though things as Facebook are making our friendships less real. And of course I'm not only referring to Facebook, but also email, blogs (yes, blogs), and websites. My attention was drawn to this when speaking to a man from my church about his proselyting mission a year prior. He said how he would get tons of emails but what really meant the most was a letter in the mail. And how true is that? I know when I get letters in the mail I'm pretty excited, though I get a ton of emails everyday.

So I guess I basically want to make two points. First of all the difference of Facebook and reality. It seems to me that people are much more open on the Internet than they would ever be in actual life. Jonathan noticed, as did myself, the growing talk of religion amongst our friends on Facebook. I'm not saying I was not a part of it, in fact I may have been one of the forerunners, but it is getting huge. People who I didn't even know were religious are popping out their beliefs. I know I've been always very open about talking about religion, but people at school never really show much interest. So, it amazes me that when it's not coming out of their mouths, how quick they are to state something. Not that I think this is so much a bad thing, but it's Facebook, so pretty much everyone can see it. And I can understand why people would be offended. I think many of our friendships have change in a way they never would have, it there was no Facebook. Views and thoughts about people have changed by reading their profiles, their notes, and even their one sentence statuses.

My other point is about the tangibility of our friendships. I have a box of memories that I keep. I was looking through it and found that the majority of the box was from middle school. Notes, letters, pictures fill the box. And I wish I could have more stuff from high school, but these things have become obsolete. There is email now plus Facebook walls/messaging. There is digital cameras which allows you to organize all your picture on the computer. And there is text messaging which makes 'note passing' a lot easier during school. I feel like I barely have to talk to people anymore. With instant messaging and text messaging I don't even have to hear their voices, or see their faces. It feels like friendships aren't even real anymore. I don't communicate with a person; I communicate with a machine.

I think in this new high-tech age, we should be careful. I think we should still try to treasure our friendships. Every once in a while I think we should send a letter. Or perhaps give someone a hand-written note. I don't know about you guys, but I treasure this kind of stuff. We have two years. Let's make the most of it, by doing things that will really make our friendships last forever.

Yeah so since my post is so serious this week, I thought I might add something that made me laugh...a lot.

Hello to our multiple views from Canada. Pretty cool, eh?

-Brianna

And I always reread to check for errors.

First of all, I am quite thankful that Brianna has already provided us with a topic to discuss this week. It's probably quite obvious by now that the seven of us are very different people.
Before I begin my autobiography, I would like to offer a little something regarding each of my fellow bloggers.
Brianna was assigned to be my BFF during lunch, and luckily, the title(s) stuck. I admire the positive attitude she shows towards her life and the eagerness with which she emphasizes her religion.
Lacey is so level-headed about the craziest things, and sometimes it feels like we have whole emotional conversations just looking at each other during class because of the interesting months that have passed by.
Viv is one of those people I saw one day and automatically knew that she was and is highly intelligent, no matter what she rambles about. Not to say the rest of you aren't smart.
Jonathan is the French man, and to picture this in your mind, think about lol. The l's are the arms sticking up in surrender, and the o is the head. (Courtesy of a creative Korean person.) He gets so excited about the ideas with which he comes up that I can't help but smile at his joy.
June is my big brother, old school tennis player in an experienced way, and one of those guys who more than a couple of my friends have admired, or currently admire romantically.
Caroline turned around in Precalc, smiling at me every other day. She always seems to be concentrated on something, whether it is the latest math assignment or that guy in her history class.

I was born in China, moved to England, Wisconsin, and finally settled down here. I met these amazing writers, and quite a few other special people. I spend much of my time not wanting to do any work these days. One of the most important things in my life is making sure that my friends are happy, but unfortunately, it hasn't been that way for many of us for various reasons. My man spends hours with computer-aided design, makes me smile without trying, and I think he's smarter me. Piano has been my hobby since I was four and a half years old, and I have an hour-long lesson this evening. Chopin is my favorite dead European guy. I don't have any pets, and didn't have quite a good time with Jonathan's father's tiny puppy. It's disappointing when my brother lies about small things, but I have two other brothers who don't live with me, and aren't exactly Chinese. My sister keeps claiming to know the racial ratio of my future child(ren). I have more close friends than ever, and they are all astonishingly good people. This paragraph is absolutely scrambled. I go biking around the neighborhood when it's sunny outside. My hair is kind of long. Really, this could go on for hours. If you ever want to know anything else, then please feel free to contact me, and if you don't leave enough information for me to get back to you, then I will track you down.

Jonathan and Viv wanted us to add labels to our posts. So, here goes.

-Kejing