The Cowardly Lion

(If you need to see the original, click here)


Sometimes XKCD is scary.
Sometimes it's because:

1. The Black Hat Guy is maiming/murdering someone.
2. There's a very very disturbing sexual reference I wish I didn't understand.
3. The topic is presented in a way that I resonate very well with.
   

The above comic strip is such example of #3. I don't know what it is about me and the way I show (or don't, technically) my affection for someone, but there is certainly a lot of self doubt and confidence-issue stuff that gets in the way. I mean, is slowly building a friendship under the pretenses that I just want to be a friend and don't actually harbor any feelings of intense infatuation really healthy? Ultimately, they friendships always boil down to a midnight-or-later conversation, traditionally commenced by the opposing party's acquisition of a riddle of some of sort that spells out my true feelings for her. In what will be a gut wrenching few hours, deceit will twist the ruse into the most complicated knot possible, break quite a few rules of logic along the way. I can't stand that time- when I've committed myself to telling her that I like her, but I can't stand for her to find out- it's very taxing. It's not healthy and, frankly, it does no one any favors.

So, no more.

I guess I've changed- obvious enough, in some ways (geez, I'm 6'2" now and my hair color isn't what it used to be)- but less obviously in what I'm doing for seeking out companionship more than my circle (though at this point you guys have more honestly arranged yourselves into a multi-planar object, refusing the existence of certain others) of friends. Gone are the days where I stalk my prey (please excuse the obligatory creepy predator-prey metaphor) though a drawn out and methodical process. What, then, is my new method? Funny you should ask; I haven't a clue yet. See, enveloping your innermost self tends to have a cold effect on potential dates. I made a sort of pact with myself this summer that I wouldn't entangle myself in some complicated relationship where I lose focus of school and my grades suffer. What's the best way to avoid that mess? Well, abstaining from it altogether seems to be pretty effective. I mean, I'm not saying I can't make exceptions, but I'm just saying that it has to be pretty extraordinary.

Sure, I'm nice enough (and apparently humble too) and you may be a little put off by the fact that you just learned that I've been holding out on you all- not giving you all my all. I'm sorry, I truly am, if you are offended. I don't really know what I'm doing in this life, but I do know from observing relationships that surround me, parents, friends, celebrities (just kidding!), and others, that giving your soul to someone that ehh, might not be the person you want to spend a lifetime with, can end pretty disastrously. I can't know if I've missed my opportunity, and I will live with a lot of regret, 'tis only human to. I can take solace in knowing, however, that no one can tell me that I'm doing it all wrong, because, frankly, no one knows. It's one of those questions that no one knows the true answer to, like, "what's the meaning of life?" I still live for myself, unguided by a kindred spirit with which to exchange innermost thoughts and secrets, and I think I'm still doing pretty well. I don't need to reach a quota of girlfriends to be happy with my month/year/high school career. I am content with taking it one day at a time, blissfully ignorant that I'm missing out on what could be the greatest joy that I've ever known, or the most heart-breaking dolor that I've ever wished not to know. It works for me.

Perhaps this sideways glance into the innerworkings of my heart and mind will give you readers, an assortment of friends, acquaintances, family, and even foes, a better understanding of your residential black powerblogger. I should hope so.

- Jonathan