Dommage

As tempted as I am to talk about politics, I’m going to try to refrain. I’ll just assume it’s a sub clause under the no religion amendment of our blog (Did you get that? That was politi-speak!).

So, just wondering, have any of you tried to teach yourself a language before? I only bring it up since it’s the eve of the French makeup test. That’s right. I get to fail the same test twice. I’m sure Jonathan knows what I’m talking about, the difference is Jonathan is half-French, while I’m basically illiterate. Almost every day this class is a source of pain for me, and I never expected this to be the class that would drive me to an early grave.

I’m just trying to imagine Gamache and the people up in the office saying, “Oh yes, no need to give those AP French kids who have to pass a college level exam at the end of the year an actual teacher, just go ahead and make them sit in the isolated corner of the room, alone, while all the French 3 kids get taught the same things they learned last year.”

And the worst part is, for as little as Gamache is doing, he’s always making us feel guilty for our lack of progress (well, me at least). I realize that I’ve been far from devoted, but it’s pretty hard to keep motivated when it dawns on you that you will never succeed at what you are doing, and the fruit of your efforts will be negligible at best.

I’m so upset about this class and yet I don’t know what to do. I’m getting more and more annoyed with the teacher everyday. Every chapter I say I’ll try harder and do better but it’s becoming increasingly hard to make up as much as I’ve fallen behind. Taking these tests and looking at practice AP exams, I’ve realized what my biggest barrier is.

I don’t know French. Plain and simple. And that’s probably not going to change. I can study individual vocabulary all I want but I’ll still probably get the questions wrong because I don’t know what the actual sentences are saying. I can’t compose a grammatically correct sentence to save my life. I don’t understand French speakers when they speak French with their natural accents or at a natural pace.

And yet after having this epiphany and coming to terms with my ultimate failure on the AP exam, suddenly Gamache decides that he’ll destroy our grades “if that’s what it takes” for us to catch on. Like that’s the only other option and he didn’t even think of actually teaching us. I know I complain about this all the time, but usually when I complain things get better after I vent. Unfortunately it isn’t getting better this time.

I should really get back to studying for that test.

-Viv