My Scarlet Letter

Hi! Megan Treadwell; filling in for Jonathon.

In the Scarlet Letter, a woman is damned to wear the letter "A" on her chest for committing adultery while her husband is lost at sea. This is revealed when Hester (adulterer) has a child. As if life didn't suck already for Hester, being all isolated and condemned and what not, it gets worse when her husband comes back to Boston, where Hester lives, and plots revenge on she and her lover asses. What started out as a sexy love affair ended as quick deaths and a shared tombstone.

I realize that the theme of this book is really the shame, guilt and remorse that a person can harbor in their lifetime for past decisions made. It's really easy for me to say "Hey, Hester had it comin' ", but instead I think of what my scarlet letter is. It's one that everyone can see, though I don't wear it on my clothes. Out of all of my flaws, my extreme fear is the most detrimental. "F"

For me, fear isn't like the kind that comes from anticipation of riding a roller coaster, waiting to hear a punishment from parents after lying, or being alone in the dark. It is a fear of failure, rejection, my shortcomings, and being revealed to others. I know I'm not alone when I say that these are things confronted every day, but I try to eschew them as such as possible. That only makes it worse. Somehow, at the end of the day, I end up staring all that fear in the face.

• sometimes I feel like I cant compare, my shortcomings don't seem so short; they seem to be off by a mile
• my parents are constantly pushing to me to try new things and master them. shoving things into my ears like test grades, scores, comprehension and the unanimous "bar". you know, that thing that always seem to be set too high.
• The never ending struggle to fit in with your surroundings are not just mental, they are also physical. Its hard going to a place everyday where no one really looks like you
• rejection is killer, but even harder for me because i never like to be vulnerable, yet it happens so fast....

Hester lived a life where her crime or sin defined her and ultimately killed her. I don't want that to happen to me. When people think of me, I don't want them to think "hey, that girl was a ..... wait .... who is that?" Never risking anything and always trying to impress others. I'm going to look at this issue as a stone to step over and make that move.

For those of you who are like me and have this issue, here's a suggestion, let the shit go. truthfully, life is too short and it'll all seem funny after a while; just ask Hester!


megan treadwell