A Teacup of Shame

As some of you may know, I have a relatively new pet. By I, I mean my father. It's his and only his, and despite his multiple attempts to convince me that I should help him with it because it's ours, I still don't believe him.

That being said- I guess I should tell you what it is..

A Rat

Yes. It's small, hairy, has a tail, and gets into everything that you set within its tiny reach.

Okay. Okay. It's not a rat, per se. It's more of a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier and I think I want to shoot it.

This rodent/canine abomination is not only ugly, it's annoying as hell too. "Bacca" (short for Chewbacca, the Star Wars sidekick with all the hair in his face- which is what this dog will look like once her hair grows out) has the annoying tendency to steal shoes and do unmentionable things to them. Haha- I bet you were imagining something awful. Nah- she just steals, hides, and chews on them. Sometimes I'll find her play toys in them too.. I wonder if this is an instinct on her canine side to bury/hide things. Or it could be from her rodent tendency to hoard things. Either way it's a pain in the rear and I hate it.

She's also pathetic. No? Don't believe me? Well how about when my dad leaves her on the couch? Well, for some reason only known to the gods, she will not take the two and a half foot jump. She barks and whines until somebody pushes her off. Then she has no problem jumping. Damn co-dependent user.

What is her very worst quality? She poops. Not a little. No- that'd be manageable. No she poops a disproportionately large amount for her size. Honestly. I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't measure the amount per day because it almost seems as if this two pound dog is pooping her weight everyday and yet still alive. She's either a living miracle or debauched horror; jury is still out for the decision between the two.

So what do I do about it? I clap. I yell. I whistle. I hiss. I chase. (I really like the second and last verbs actually) It's gotten so good that it's at the point where I can one sudden movement in her direction and she flinches. Now that is power.

- Jonathan

Photographic evidence of said monstrosity:




(PS- No animals were harming in the production of this blog post)