On the Road

I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence or if it’s just been on my mind, but ever since the topic of future plans was decided on, I’ve been having the “college talk” with my mom almost every day.

Looking back, I realize that the closer the day of college admissions comes; the more confused I seem to have become. When I was five, it was simple. I wanted to be a computer engineer and go to M.I.T. In eighth grade I decided I wanted to be a film director and “narrowed” down the college list to NYU, or USC. Now it’s just chaos. I’ve decided I want to study environmental engineering and get an MFA in-between grad and undergrad, and the list has been cut to include Stanford, Caltech, UCLA, Princeton, and the return of M.I.T. It seems the thing I want most though is a school with good name recognition where I could slack off, which doesn’t fit any of those schools (though it isn’t a far cry from Brown).

Tonight, my mother hosted a dinner party (for the Sri Lankans of course) at our house. Anytime this happens, no matter how many times they’ve asked in the past, there’s only one question that’s directed towards me. So what college are you planning to go to? Up until now, I’ve always had an answer, even if I thought it might change in the near future. Tonight I just said I didn’t know.

Though there may be frontrunners, it simply comes down to this; for the first time since I was five I have no idea where I will be two years from now. I have no inkling which university hoodie I’ll be wearing. I might even change my major seven times once I get there like my sister. But after the initial panic attacks, I realized, I like this. I like not knowing and I can see why Rory didn’t marry Logan at the end of Gilmore Girls.

I am certain that the time will come when I’ll know, I’ll find the right fit. But for now, the ambiguity will do.

-Viv