Napoleon Bonaparte: Conqueror, Leader, And Small Mexican Girl

For those of you lame enough not to go to Pack Attack (which is like nearly all of my co-writers, you roguish fiends!), you missed out on some serious awesomeness.

Let me elaborate.

Pack Attack, as you may not know, is the assembly of major clubs and a few sports in a series of self written skits that are generally homecoming themed. The prize for best skit is $50 to club to do whatever with, which is a pretty awesome prize! Anyway, SNHF (Société Nationale Honoraire Française) came up with a more original skit than most. Rather than go with the theme of T-Wolves versus Devils, we decided to play off the homecoming theme this year: the jungle. However, being the creative children we are, we related it to Paris by calling it an urban jungle. Smart, right? We thought so! Continuing, we decided that it would be most humerus if we did a spoof of Dora the Explorer. However, the trick was, Napoleon Bonaparte would be our Dora. The real fun is that I got stuck with being Napoleon.

Let me explain why this is not a physical possibility. I'm 6'2". Napoleon was like.. 3' or something. Regardless, I played the stoic yet flamboyant bubbly personality that would led the SNHF kids past three obstacles to their ultimate destination at the Eiffel Tower. The first obstacle was a gangster (urban jungle!) to whom we had to say "please" in french, si'l vous plait. Our second obstacle was hailing a disgruntled NYC style taxi to drive us down to the Eiffel Tower. Upon reaching the Tower, we encountered our last obstacle: obtaining a camera from a french speaking woman who spoke no words of english. You can see how this could pose a problem. However, with Napoleon Bonaparte at your side, you can do anything! So we wrestle the camera from her, she snaps the shot after asking us to yell "Fromage!". Brilliance.

We also danced to three of Dora's famous melodies, including the vibrant Backpack Backpack!
and the exuberant We Did It!.


I must admit, for something so school spirit oriented, I immensely enjoyed myself. Who would have thought that I had school spirit?

- Jonathan